i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
