Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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