If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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