I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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