I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
