sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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