I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
