I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
