They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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