Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
