you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
this hospital has no fireball
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
