my vag is so smooth its legendary
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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