so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
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