I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
