someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
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I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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