I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
