I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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