Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
