Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
