I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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