this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
