I showed him my bush... on skype.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
