Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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