I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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