He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
