just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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