you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
