In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
