Where is the hickey?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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