i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
