So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
