Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
