It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
