you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
