Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
