Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
