This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
