my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
