youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
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Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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