At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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