How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
