How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
