Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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