I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
