know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize