i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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