Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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