There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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