i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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