Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
