Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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