you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just had sex on a roof
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
