Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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