beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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