I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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