At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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