Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
