Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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