So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
