brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
