It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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