Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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