another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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