Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
