he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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