im so drunk with asians
where?
always
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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