Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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