I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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