would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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